What Is Sensual Massage? Why Slow Sex Might Be The Boost Your Sex Life Needs

In one of Aesop's Fables, an arrogant, fast-moving hare loses a race to an unrushed tortoise, who moved slowly and steadily to the finish line while the hare took a nap—assuming that he had the race in the bag. "Slow and steady wins the race," said the tortoise.

Sensual massage is a practice that combines massage and sensuality, according to clinical sexologist and sex therapist Cyndi Darnell, MHS, who teaches about sensual massage in her online course, The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal. Different from the kind of massage you'd receive for a sports injury, for example, one of the purposes of sensual massage is to produce arousal.

It's similar to foreplay, Darnell says, except that the ultimate goal of sensual massage isn't to warm up for intercourse or orgasm. It's pleasure for pleasure's sake.

"We've been tricked into thinking that sex is intercourse or rubbing your genitals together, and I'm not saying that is not what sex is, but that's only one kind of sex," Darnell says.

Sex can sometimes follow patriarchal norms, centering more to penis pleasure than vaginal pleasure. Sensual massage often "makes sex better," especially for people with vaginas, because it can take vaginas more time to arouse during sex, she says.

"Things like sensual massage are considered superfluous or extra as opposed to being an essential part of quality sex," Darnell says, adding, "The whole point of sensual massage is to enhance the quality of the physical connection between you."

Throughout the massage, ask about what feels good—from the amount of pressure you're using to the pace you're taking—and don't take offense to feedback.

Listening to your partner share what they actually want, instead of what you think they want, is a "powerful skill," she says.

Darnell advises against trying to simultaneously give and receive a sensual massage, even if it's tempting.

Sensual massage has a lot of overlap with tantric massage, a style of bodywork that incorporates spirituality, breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness.

"It's about wholeheartedly celebrating the sacredness of our bodies and desires while bringing a quality of mindful awareness to the shared expression of pleasure," Leslie Grace, R.N., a certified tantra educator and registered nurse, previously told mbg.

The tantric umbrella includes several specific types of massage, each of which brings pleasure to different parts of the body:

1. Yoni massage, which revolves around the vulva

2. Lingam massage, which focuses on the penis and prostate (referred to in tantric massage as the sacred spot)

3. Tantric breast massage

4. Tantric masturbation

5. Energy orgasm

6. Full-body orgasm