How To Give A Tantric Lingam Massage (The Multiple-Orgasm Technique For Men)

A lingam massage is a tantric sex practice focused on massaging the penis. Unlike your average hand job, the lingam massage involves not only massaging and stroking the penis but can also incorporate more advanced techniques, including the testicles, perineum, and the prostate (aka the Sacred Spot) as well. The lingam massage isn't about having one orgasm and being done. Instead, it's about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage. Yes, multiple orgasms aren't just for people with clitorises!

Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to "wand of light." In tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam from a place of the utmost love and respect, the same way we approach the yoni, or vagina. (The yoni massage might be considered the equivalent of the lingam massage, just performed on people with vaginas.) When you bring your partner pleasure through their "wand of light," you are filled with that same energy or light in a conscious exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure.

A big part of sacred sexuality is learning to love the penis and not be afraid of it. Many women I work with are still not totally comfortable with handling a man's penis. If that is the case for you, take some time to reflect on any negative impressions you may have inherited from your parents or your culture.

Lingam massage is a practice that truly honors the penis and those who have them. We do it to give them pleasure. There is also a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi in a person's penis, and learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful. When I went to India to study tantra and yoga, I was shocked at first to see statues of the Shiva lingam that represented the God Shiva. For most people, it represents a state of meditation. But for ancient tantric practitioners, this held a secret meaning: that this powerful God energy was in the penis, which was thought to contain the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.

Breathing is what separates tantra from regular sex. While you give your partner the lingam massage, remember to breathe the Bliss Breath: Receive their energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale, and send them loving energy on the exhale.

Use your favorite massage oil (I prefer coconut oil because it smells yummy) to oil the shaft of the penis and the testicles. Start by sliding your hands up and down the thighs before getting to the good stuff. This will also make your partner feel more relaxed. Compliment them on something you like about what you're seeing and touching.

Move on to the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. You can use your fingernails gently on the testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand.

Massage the area around the testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of the thighs, and the perineum—or taint—which is the area between the testicles and the anus).

By now, your partner might be very worked up and might want to come. If you are paying close attention to their breathing, how their body is moving, and their moaning, you should be able to predict if they're nearing orgasm. When you see them at that edge, pull back on what you're doing, or just slow it down and remind them to breathe and ride the wave of orgasmic feelings they're experiencing. (Here's a full guide to edging for more techniques.)

The Sacred Spot is the prostate, which is a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When stimulated properly, it is very pleasurable. You can access the prostate either internally (by inserting your fingers or a prostate massage sex toy into the anus) or externally (through massaging the outside without penetration).

If your partner isn't experienced with prostate massage, start externally. To find the sacred spot, look for an indentation somewhere between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be careful to go slowly and let your partner guide you in terms of pressure.

Ask your penis partner if they're interested in taking the prostate massage to the next level with an internal massage. If they're game, you'll want to loosen up their anus with massage oil. Start by massaging the outside of the anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Don't insert a finger without permission. Ask if they're ready for more.

If your partner is ready for insertion, make sure their anus and your fingers are oiled up. Make sure your nails don't have any jagged edges. Start by inserting just the tip of one finger at first. Wiggle it back and forth to loosen your partner up. Once they're comfortable with that, you can insert your finger(s) more deeply, as the prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, closer to the anterior wall of the rectum.

Once there, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or "milking" it with a come hither motion with your finger(s). Ask your partner how they're doing as you go. Let them lead.