18 Signs You're In A "Situationship" + What That Really Means

If you're looking to navigate your situationship with as much clarity and care as possible, here are some rules to keep in mind. 

What makes a situationship painful is when someone isn't being super clear about what they're looking for, whether that's a possible romantic relationship later down the line or just someone to casually hang out with for the time being. The what-if, what-are-we, how-do-they-really-feel, what-are-we-doing confusion is what can make a situationship go from liberating to toxic. 

Notably, there are actually two types of dating: casual dating when you're having fun without any expectations and dating when you're inspecting the attraction with the hopes of it developing into something more. Situationships usually are a form of casual dating but with a murkiness caused by a lack of clear communication about what's happening. 

"Friends-with-benefits is closely similar to a situationship. The one main difference is in a friends-with-benefit scenario, there are usually clear boundaries around not developing feelings for one another, whereas in a situationship, there are rarely boundaries at all," Schafer says. 

Here are some other signs you're in a situationship: 

Generally speaking though, here are some of the typical, unspoken ground rules of a situationship: 

Since situationships can be obscure, get into the habit of clarifying your emotions and boundaries at different stages so you both have the opportunity to opt in or opt out as the situationship evolves. 

Don't assume exclusivity until you've clearly discussed it. You could intuit what's going on, but you won't know with certainty unless you have the conversation. Being truthful about what you both expect helps you manage your emotions better. Plus, it allows you to get clear about your needs and wants.

Regular communication, meeting friends and family, and talking about a future together are all other fair expectations in a relationship but aren't typical features of situationships, according to Cooper. That said, don't be afraid to ask for what you want!

Because you're not planning a life with them (just yet, or at all), you may feel like you don't have to tend to their emotions. Sure, situationships are about autonomy and independence, but there's a certain responsibility that always comes when you choose to be intimate with someone. Closing yourself off and not letting the other person into your thoughts can lead to painful outcomes—especially when they can be affected. You may not be technically dating, but you can still exhibit care toward them. 

If you want to progress the situationship, it's essential you speak up for yourself. They might not reciprocate your feelings, but at least you know with conviction where you both stand. You could let the other person know you're developing real feelings for them and that you would like to get to know them better to see where things can go. This can look like revisiting expectations, going on dates, and communicating your new desires together. 

Cooper shares other life situations where a situationship can make sense:

When you're not on the same page with them, you can start to feel lonely in the relationship. Over time, this can increase game-playing and toxic behaviors as you look for some reaction. This could look like withholding information or being passive-aggressive. Because you don't feel like you're your best self or being valued the way you would want, you may start feeling stressed around them, which may start harming your mental health. 

If you want to navigate a situationship in the healthiest way possible, here are a few tips to help:

An example is telling them that you just want to have fun without any pressure, but promising to let them know if anything changes. Or, you might let them know that you are interested in them romantically and only want to proceed if they're open to exploring the possibility of something more serious.

If you're in the situationship with the hopes that it'll turn into something more meaningful without telling them, this could be a recipe for disaster and end in disappointment. Likewise, if you know the other person is hoping for more—but you're not interested in them that way—make that clear to them so they can make an informed decision as to whether they want to stay in the situationship. 

Schafer recommends being clear about what you want in the situationship. "What do boundaries look like to you and your partner? Do you both agree to a "don't ask, don't tell" policy? Or do you want to know what they've got going on in their intimate life? Maybe you agree on a no-sleepover rule or to never meet one another's families," she says. "There are so many boundaries that can be put in place to make sure you both get the most out of the situationship." 

"Are you afraid of the trust and risk involved in a more committed relationship? Do you feel unworthy of a committed relationship? Asking yourself these questions can help determine if you are using a situationship as a crutch to deal with deep-seated feelings. These feelings might be worth exploring in a therapeutic setting," Cooper says. 

Vulnerability begets authenticity. Being a kind dater invites generosity into the relationship, resulting in more beautiful moments and memories together. 

If you're beginning to feel consistently unhappy and dissatisfied in your situationship, it may be time to consider ending things. Maybe it didn't work out the way you wanted, but it's useful to frame the situation as a learning experience. What did you get out of it? What did you learn about yourself? How did it help inform what you want in your next relationship? 

Situationships can work for some people exactly as they are. Others see situationships as a period that should lead to a committed relationship. If you're in the latter camp, watch out for these red flags that signal your situationship isn't going anywhere: 

"One of the big red flags of a situationship is that all communication is inconsistent. You may get a text or a call from the other individual but without any normal pattern," Cooper says. Unless it's within the established expectations that your communications may ebb and flow, irregular communication habits—and the lack of respect it often signals—might be a sign to break it off. 

Cooper notes another red flag is when you haven't been involved in other aspects of the other person's life. "For instance, you have not met their friends, you have not met their family, if they have children, you have not met their children," she says. It's one thing to be private; it's another thing to feel like you are being hidden. 

"Another red flag is that the relationship is only physical and only revolves around sex. Do you spend your time together in long deep conversations or do you spend time only having sex?" Cooper says. Even if you both agreed to hook up, that doesn't mean you still can't show each other tenderness whenever the moment calls for it—especially if a long-term, committed relationship is what you're really after in the long run. 

You don't have to communicate everything, but you shouldn't feel like you're marooned alone on Situationship Island with no idea about what's happening. "Do you know if there has been any discussion of plans together in the future? The absence of those types of conversations is significant and signals that the other individual does not anticipate anything more significant in the future," Cooper asks.

Just remember: We all deserve to be taken care of in our relationships, even if it's casual.