21 Ways To Prepare For Fatherhood, From Parenting Experts

Finding out you'll be a father can come with a mix of emotions: joy, shock, fear, and more joy. As you prepare to become a parent, it's important to take time to prepare, ask for advice, and research ways to calm your nerves. Fatherhood prep is also more scarce than resources targeting women, so it's no wonder expecting dads may feel anxious.

Soon-to-be-dads tend to focus on the practical stuff, like car seat installation, baby-proofing the house, and the like. While settling the hardware of parenting is important, Sara Shadravan, a Los Angeles–based parenting coach and educational consultant, encourages dads to remember to tackle the bigger picture.

"Being a father is an incredibly special role. You are the first and most important man in your child's life," Shadravan tells mbg. A bit of forethought on all things parenting, both big and small, can help men prepare—physically, mentally, and emotionally—to become first-time parents.

Until recently, the wealth of pregnancy and early parenting books out there spoke more to the woman's experience, but nowadays dad books are becoming more common.

(Here's mbg's roundup of the best parenting books, too.)

Immerse yourself in the pregnancy journey, Shadravan advises. "Invest time and interest in the pregnancy, be curious about the process, and engage with your partner. The early days are important and set the tone for how interested and engaged you will be when your baby arrives. Each developmental stage is full of wonderment and tremendous growth. Be present, observe, engage, and nurture."

Whether you had a great relationship with your dad or there was room for improvement, your own childhood will likely affect the way you show up as a father. "Fatherhood is a mirror, like any relationship, so your personal baggage will be brought to light," says La Guardia Cross, a popular fatherhood-focused YouTuber and father of two young girls. "Don't be scared—you can work through it as you go. Some baggage you won't even know you're carrying until you become a father, but that's OK. Fatherhood gives you the opportunity to grow."

It can be easy to think that you'll never be as good a dad as your role model or the sitcom dad on your favorite show. Take some time to reassure yourself that you'll be a fantastic dad, in your own personalized way. Visualize what that would look like for you. What kinds of activities are you doing? Where do you and the kid(s) hang out? What are the moments you never want to miss?

If those prompts aren't working, try to picture your child as an adult. What would you want them to say about you? Focus on the lessons you want to impart, the guidance and love that you want to give. Think of your role in relation to your partner's and how can you complement each other.

The early months of pregnancy are a great time to re-evaluate spending. The birthing partner might be looking at losing income, staring down medical bills, and contemplating paid or unpaid parental leave options. Dads can help anchor the family finances by planning ahead.

Similarly, wrap up any pending projects—including major ones at work. Try to finish them or transition them to others who can carry them forward without you. Parental guilt is real. It is the feeling that you should be with your kids whenever you're off doing something else that is seemingly important, like going to work, nursing pet projects with friends, or developing personal hobbies that predate the baby.

Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed., a health educator and author of Talk With Her: A Dad's Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters, recommends prioritizing self-care as you embark on the journey of parenthood.

"Self-care in the early days of parenthood facilitates your ability to be there most fully for your child and your partner," she tells mbg. "But that doesn't make it easy to fit in. In the first days and weeks that families settle in with newborns, parents are on call 24/7 (even if others are around to help), making it hard to remember to drink water, eat a whole meal, shower, or leave the house for a walk."

Stay in good physical health, get a doctor's checkup, eat healthy and balanced meals, and get sufficient sleep. If you can't care for your own well-being, it will be hard to help your family do the same.

Dads often consider themselves as part of a mom's support team, but dads need their own, too. This could mean therapists, personal trainers, nutritionists, family members, and even a good group of friends who remind you when you need a break.

It's common knowledge that having children will shift a couple's love life. This isn't just because of the sleepless nights or a mom's new relationship with her body—parents can also struggle to prioritize each other, as well as to adjust expectations around sex and romance. While scheduling date nights can be helpful for some, they can also sometimes add more pressure on new parents to pretend they can handle it all without missing a beat. On the flip side, experiencing repeated rejection from a partner can lead to feelings of isolation or emotional distance.

Remember, this tough initial phase is temporary and common. Think ahead about how you'll adapt—schedule flower deliveries months ahead, book babysitters in advance, and explore ways to show affection without sex. 

"Maintaining relational health for the long haul requires consistent attention," says Wolf. "Be sure to vocalize your love, support, and gratitude for your partner on an ongoing basis, even when you don't feel like you are getting a lot in return. You will not only be letting your partner know how you feel, but you'll also be contributing to a positive, productive tone in your interactions at times when emotions can run high and conflict comes more easily.”

Many an argument has been had about who should change the dirty diapers or who will sterilize the bottles. Avert flare-ups by talking about tasks before the baby comes. Consider sleeping arrangements, bottle feedings, baths, diaper changes, and all the details, so that each person knows their roles. Then, consider routine household tasks like cooking, cleaning, washing the car, and mowing the lawn. If you can afford to outsource some of these, do. You'll also want to consider how to share the mental load of managing all these tasks as well. (For more of the nitty-gritty, here's an in-depth guide on how to split the child care fairly.)

Also assume that—even if you agree on your role—there will be chore slippage. Have a backup plan to cover for the inevitable. If resources allow, consider a postpartum doula visit every few days, a babysitter every few weeks, and a cleaning company every month or two. These professional backups are easy to schedule in advance and simple to cancel if you don't need them. They are much harder to book when you're in a pinch or already playing catchup.

"There's nothing like new fatherhood to make you feel, at least some of the time, like you have no idea what you are doing or that your co-parent is more skilled or important than you are in the equation," Wolf says. "But that doesn't mean you don't have an important and dynamic role to play. The presence of engaged and loving fathers is tied to children's overall health and well-being and even long-term achievement."

It may seem like the baby will become the center of your world, and while that may be true for a while, you will eventually crave adult companionship again. Chances are, though, by the time that happens, you may have already turned down a few invitations, and friends might assume you're no longer interested in hanging out.

Your partner will thank you for not allowing a deluge of people in your personal space immediately after childbirth. Parents healing from childbirth, in particular, aren't sure how to manage the swell of demands to see the newborn baby. These hosting responsibilities can be overwhelming, especially when visitors don't lend a helping hand.

Sometimes we don't know what we hold dear until a new member of the family joins. Is Sunday football a tradition in your household? Is it important to eat dinner together every night? Chances are these small things go unspoken, but they mean a lot. When a new baby comes, having these regular touchstones could fall by the wayside, but it can hurt when they're missed. After all, these are natural times to introduce the baby to the extended family and for new parents to have adult time.

"When your child is a newborn, you'll often wish that they could fully communicate with you. You'll dream of hearing them say your name or 'I love you too,'" Cross says. He jokes that dads will soon regret those wishes when kids are finally able to communicate. After all, once kids are verbal, it is hard to get them to stop—talking, singing, crying, and more.

At the end of the day, it is also important to just cut yourself some slack, says Cross.