The Karezza Method: 5 Reasons To Try This Spiritual Sexual Practice

Karezza is a slow and sensual way of having sex that entirely removes climax from the sexual equation, leaving space for emotional connection and heightened affection. The karezza method has ancient spiritual roots but began to be widely established in the modern era with the publication of OB/GYN Alice Bunker Stockham's 1903 book Karezza: The Ethics of Marriage. Stockham coined the term karezza, which she took from the Italian word carezza, meaning "caress."

The intent behind the karezza method is to deepen the sexual and emotional connection, according to certified clinical sexologist Randi Levison. The practice "teaches couples to focus on the entire being, not just a body part," she says. "It's all about relaxing and being in the present moment."

The practice has also been known by the Latin name "coitus reservatus," although this is slightly different from true karezza, because coitus reservatus only involves the penetrating partner withholding from orgasm while encouraging the receptive partner to still have them.

A lot of people can get really caught up in trying to have an orgasm during sex, which can actually distract from actually enjoying the sex. When you remove the goalpost, you're free to just focus wholly on the sensations without any concern about what they're "building up" to. As Levison says, it's all about being totally present in the moment.

"As a sex therapist, what I see happening within a couple sexually is usually symptomatic of what's happening in the rest of the relationship," Levison explains. With karezza, "there is a feeling of 'dropping in'...being completely in union with a partner or experiencing the same frequency. This union is inherently harmonious, and when harmony is experienced in sex, it will usually find its way outside of the bedroom."

Karezza started out as an extremely spiritual practice in which the centrality of sex to spirituality wasn't shied away from. In his seminal 1931 text The Karezza Method, J. William Lloyd writes, "Sex is very close to soul. Whoso touches sex touches the secrets and centers of life... The voice of sex, in its power, is as the voice of God."

Lloyd emphasizes the importance of having the right environment for karezza—ideally an intimate, romantic bedroom atmosphere.

"If you are novices, choose a time when you can both be all alone, unhurried, and free from interruptions. Concentrate yourselves entirely on your love and joy and the blending of yourselves into one. Let the room be warm, the surroundings pleasant and esthetic; and be as unhampered by clothing as possible," he writes.

When you set out to try karezza, you and your partner should enter the sexual session with a specific mindset about what type of experience you're trying to create. Keep in mind that the practice is meant to be about touching and being in touch with the whole body, not just the genitals.

"Karezza requires preparatory mental exercise," Lloyd writes. "It requires first the understanding and conviction that the spiritual, the caressive, the tender side of the relation is much more important, much more productive of pleasure in fact, than the merely sexual, and that throughout the whole relation the sexual is to be held subordinate to this love side as its tool, its agent, its feeder. Sex is indeed required to furnish all it has to the feast, but strictly under the leadership of and to the glory of love. ... Let both of you think more about your love than your passion; translate your sex-passion as much as possible into heart-passion."

Begin by massaging or gently running your fingertips over your partner's body, paying attention to places you might normally neglect during sex. Caress your partner's face, their neck and shoulders, the sides of their waist.

"As your hands caress her, tell her how beautiful her features are to you—her brow, her hair, her lips, her throat—her arms, hands, bosom, waist, the flowing rounded lines of her limbs. Grow eloquent, poetic in her praise," Lloyd writes. "The Loved One can never be too much praised or appreciated by the Lover. Spend plenty of time on these preparatory caresses."

Don't be afraid to get intimate!

When it feels right, move down to caress your partner's genitals with the same gentle touch. But remember that you're not building toward an orgasm here, so move slowly and pay attention to whether your partner is getting too close to the edge. Ease off if that happens.

"Keep your thoughts on love, not passion," Lloyd reminds. "Be utterly relaxed physically...hold the thought of Peace."

When you feel ready to move to having intercourse, stay away from things like reverse cowgirl and try to use karezza-friendly positions that allow eye contact and bodily closeness such as the lotus sex position, rocking chair, or missionary.

Karezza is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't expect to be able to practice it properly in between other acts.

"Most importantly be loving, kind, and patient with yourself and your partner. Slow, gentle, and tender are keywords to remember and help you on your karezza journey," Adolphe says.