What It Means To Have Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language (With Examples)

If they get a thrill when you demonstrate sweet expressions of appreciation, compliments, gratitude, and encouragement, it's likely that their primary love language is words of affirmation. 

If someone is drawn to words of affirmation as their love language, marriage and family therapist Michele DeMarco tells mbg, it's because they believe words really matter and help them give a literal voice to how they feel inside. 

The five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, and acts of service, each of which represents a distinct way of expressing love. Find out which one best resonates with you.

Couples therapist Antonia Di Leo, LMFT, shares some affirmative phrases that will make people whose love language is words of affirmation feel loved and secure: 

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Since written and spoken language speaks directly to their heart, people with this love language will show their loved ones affection through effusive words, terms of endearment, and sweet little nothings, which are really sweet little everythings.

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She adds, "It comes down to inclination—a person's natural way to act or feel. Some people need to hear or read love's meaning, while others prefer to show not tell. The importance here is less in the why and more in the that—especially that one knows their own inclination, as well as their partner's."

Here are a few tips to keep in mind for using words of affirmation:

Think about it this way: By refueling their appetite for affirmation (with the right fuel!), they will be overflowing with gratitude and approach the relationship from an expansive place when they feel supported. 

The act of crafting a highly specific and personalized message matters more than repeating a line you heard in a movie or copy and pasting a poem you found online. They will value it infinitely more when it comes from the heart. 

If you must say something negative, try couching your constructive comments in between compliments so they are able to hear it without being defensive.

DeMarco suggests being yourself. Get creative, be funny, and express yourself, in your voice. "Show that you know them specifically, what they need to feel loved. Love is not a one-size-fits-all. Pay attention to what your partner responds to," she says.

It's important to move away from the generalities of the theory and focus on being hyper-targeted with your partner so you can show up in your partnership the way that they need you to, on an individual level. 

"Not only will your partner be appreciative, but they will also remember it as being brave and heartfelt," says DeMarco. "While your partner's need for words is not necessarily your natural strength of comfort zone, they won't expect perfection. Rather, they'll be appreciative of your effort that much more." 

Are you the one whose love language is words of affirmation? Here's how to communicate that to your partner: 

Effective communication is everything. The longer you wait to bring it up, the more you are delaying your own happiness. "Don't wait until you're in a torrent of resentment or a deluge of sadness before you ask for more words of affirmation," says DeMarco. 

Fishing for compliments or praise can be frustrating for your partner because it can come off as complaining instead of a request. Flip it by turning it into a conversation where you bring curiosity and openness to the table and address your ask directly. When you see them make an effort, take the time to thank them so it doesn't feel one-sided. 

"The idea is to help your partner understand how to express their love and appreciation in a way that is most receptive for you. Be clear about what you need. Be calm in your affect. Be confident in your being," says DeMarco. Show up as an example and clearly state what you need and why it will help you feel safer in the relationship. This act of vulnerability and you standing up for your needs can help intensify the trust in the relationship.

"Consider helping your partner help you by leveraging their own love language style. Speak to people where they're at," advises DeMarco. If you're asking them to put in effort to help you feel more loved, create more possibility by also being proactive to their own love language and how they can feel loved. By putting forth conscious effort, the relationship will feel more transcendental in its limitlessness. 

By taking the time to celebrate, support, affirm, and reinvest your partner with words of affirmation, it will serve to invite more love into your life.