Easy Ways To Turn Someone On In & Out Of The Bedroom, From Sex & Dating Experts

So, here is our deep dive on how to turn on a guy and titillate their senses—mind, body, and soul:

Because of that, you shouldn't rely on a person's body cues alone as permission to push things further. "It is always important to verbally check in with your partner, whether it be a casual hookup or someone you've been with for five-plus years. Remember that physical stimulation does not necessarily equal mental stimulation, so check in with him and make sure he is relaxed and enjoying what is happening too," she says.

Due to social constructions around masculinity, men are typically saddled with the expectation of initiating, pursuing, and escalating the relationship physically. To subvert those pressures, take it upon yourself to show how much you crave him by making the moves and showering him with flirty attention. Be forward in letting him know he's the object of your desire. 

(Here's more on how to build confidence.)

You can't underestimate visual stimulation and the experience of literally drinking someone in with your eyes. "Get creative and use this to your advantage. You can try wearing lingerie, spending time on top, or letting him watch you play with yourself," Turner says.

(Here's our full guide to sexting, FYI!)

Turner recommends pleasure mapping, which is an exercise that teaches you where your erogenous zones are, the body parts with heightened sensitivity, like the back of your neck, inner thighs, and earlobes. "Once you find those areas, try various ways to stimulate them with kissing, licking, nibbling, stroking, etc. Offer to blindfold or restrain your partner for more intense sensations!"  

Look out for little moments to build up excitement. Turner says creating sexy rituals can serve as a discreet way to turn him on: "Humans are inherently ritualistic. We ascribe meaning to patterns and things whether we're aware of it or not. You can use a specific playlist, wear a particular perfume, or light a special candle when you want to get down. His mind will attach those triggers to pleasure!" 

Esther Perel famously once said that love enjoys knowing everything about you, but desire needs mystery. "Our lives have become a matter of public record. We are compelled to post every meal we eat, every date we go on, and everything we do on social media," Turner says. "Refraining from sharing every moment of your day with those around you creates an air of mystery. Surprise and intrigue can be some of the most compelling turn-ons." Plus, it has the extra benefit of getting you to live in the moment and refocus on what matters.

Helpful reminder that if your S.O. is going through a stressful period, it'll be hard to think about pleasure if they're barely meeting their basic needs. To keep your sex life vibrant, she advises being conscious of both of your health levels by staying hydrated, eating well, and sleeping enough.

When trying out new sex positions, approach it with a sense of humor. It's OK to laugh if it doesn't work out! What's important is going into it with willingness and a nonjudgmental attitude.

"Spontaneity is a great way to keep the spark alive in your sex life. Plan on lying on the bed naked for him to ravish you when he comes home," Violet suggests as an example. Of course, don't forget consent here: "Make sure he would be willing to receive these surprises by gauging his mood before arriving." 

Turner breaks down the different love languages and how you can appeal to it with a turn-on.

But the fun shouldn't stop there. Once you're both done showing what you like, talk about the fantasies openly afterward to amplify the arousal or role-play it out and get each other off. 

If you're wanting to boost up your sexual prowess, getting some exercise in is a great way to literally increase blood flow to all parts of your body and get your hormones going. "Move around, go to the gym, go for a run or do [exercise] activity together to get your heart rate moving, then keep that energy as you get undressed," Violet adds. 

(Here are some of our fave sex games for couples.)

"Try tossing a ball back and forth, breathing together, or hugging for an extended period," she says. Doing breathwork together is also a great way to loosen up and connect.

LaPaix shares a list of some examples you can say: 

However, LaPaix notes dirty talk might not be a turn-on for some since preferences are so broad and individual to each person. Above all, it's important to look for consensuality to ensure joyful reciprocation. "It is imperative that you know if the other person finds dirty talk distracting and/or revolting before using it. The key is to be in tune with your partner's needs." 

If you're still feeling shy about talking dirty, LaPaix recommends a few subtle things you can try to still heat up the conversation. For example, if you're waiting in line for tickets at a concert with your crush, you can lightly press your body against theirs and whisper something in a husky tone so that your partner can slightly feel your breath on their neck like, "Which song are you most excited to hear?"

If some of the more direct options above feel too risqué, you can start small by writing them a letter with your fantasies or making a sex playlist filled with songs that get you in the mood.

"It gives you a chance to share your desires without as much awkwardness or pressure. Plus, they allow you to address issues as they arise," Scalisi notes. 

"Everyone wants to feel loved, cherished, and important. [People] move through life secretly wanting others to pay attention to us and treat us like we are the most interesting person in the world," Turner says. "By doing that for your partner, they'll feel like you understand and care about them. In turn, they may reflect that same attention to you." 

"I challenge you to push past your shyness and give your lover a good look in the eyes, while you get a good look of soaking up their face as they get in the mood," Cherie says. 

Besides verbal affirmations, moaning is a foolproof way to let your partner know that you're very into what he's doing to you. When being loud in sex, though, it's a slippery slope to faking it with over-exaggerated sounds and coming across as performative. It'll confuse your partner about what really turns you on and inhibit their performance. Tell them exactly what you like with authentic moans of pleasure while they're doing it to you. 

"If your masculine partner has a penis, you can most definitely have some fun with it before it even touches your lips. Balls can be an important addition in helping make him come," Cherie says. "Be sure to stroke the skin of them or massage them gently to add extra sensation." 

Touch, massage, and movement are powerful ways to express the unsaid. "Take your time to get on top of them—you are his in that moment! Do it slowly, as this will help them see your body move closer and take in the slow sensation of touch as your bodies move closer together," Cherie says. By taking the opportunity to utilize physicality and mirror his body language, it'll signal that you want to be there, which is an immense turn-on. 

"If you are wanting to channel some submissive energy into your play, you can slowly [take off] their clothes by pulling his zipper with your teeth," she says. "Extra tip: Wear a shirt that either unties or buttons. The 'take off' is much more sexy than wrestling with getting your shirt over your head." 

She points out this is super sexy because men are generally not socialized to see the value in slowing down when receiving pleasure and learning about someone's body. In the mad rush for penetration, though, you risk missing out on all of the feelings (excitement, nervousness, pure rapture) that spring up during those in-between moments.  

Incorporating power dynamics (i.e., domination and submission) into sex is a fun way to switch up the roles and discover new sides you may not typically express in sex. "Relinquish control to him, or control him for a change. This can incorporate an entirely new level of connection and exploration," Violet says. 

Sex is about more than just straightforward P-in-V penetration and the naked form—though, that's hot, too. Just wanting to show how much you want him and being enthusiastic with sex will solidify the connection and bring boundless pleasure into the bedroom. Have fun!