How To Show Someone You Love Them, According To Experts

Life would be boring if we were all the same, and love would be boring if we all did it the same way.

Since we all love differently, it's worthwhile to discuss the various ways in which you prefer to give and receive love with your partner so you can make sure you're meeting each other's needs, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Maria Sosa, M.S., MFT.

This can be done by taking a quiz together on the five love languages or just by starting the dialogue about the types of moments, actions, and conversations that make each of you feel loved.

And if your preferred ways to express love don't fall neatly within the categories of the five love languages—don't worry. There are so many ways to show love, according to Sosa.

It helps to stay curious about your partner, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Shane Birkel, LMFT, and avoid making assumptions.

"We often make assumptions about what would make someone feel loved, like buying them chocolate or taking them out to dinner, but at times we might be missing the point," says Birkel. "That's where the hard work of staying present and curious become so important. Most of us aren't very good at tuning in to the reality of our partner to truly gain a deeper understanding of how they feel loved or what works for them."

Conversely, when you want your partner to show love in new ways, try not to use negative or accusatory language. Instead, think of the times you feel loved and compliment them for those behaviors. Highlighting the things they do right encourages them to do those things again, according to Sosa.

It's frustrating when you're trying to tell your partner about your day and they continue scrolling on their phone. Sure, they may think they're able to pay attention to both you and their phone, but it ends up making you feel ignored.

It's important for people to give their partner's undivided attention by listening when they're speaking, making eye contact and nodding along, and responding thoughtfully when needed.

Being present with your partner makes them feel like they matter to you, according to Sosa.

Whether their preferred love language is "acts of service" or not, most people appreciate a favor.

Maybe you decide to do all of their least favorite chores while they're working, or you buy them a coffee from their favorite coffee shop and surprise them with it when they wake up. You could meal prep their lunch for the week or schedule a massage for them, for example.

Gifts don't need to be expensive or perfect. The simplest gifts that show you think of them when they're not around have the potential to make your partner feel most loved.

When you bring your partner a little gift, you're showing them through your actions that you know them and that their wants and needs matter to you.

The best little gifts to give your partner are the ones that reflect their interests. If they're the type to enjoy a vase of fresh flowers, then that's a classic gift. Picking up their favorite snack on your way home from work would be a nice treat, as would planning a surprise date night full of their favorite activities.

It sounds obvious, but telling your partner how much you love them is a powerful way to show love, according to licensed psychologist and couples' therapist Annie Hsueh, Ph.D.

"You don't need an elaborate speech, and you don't need to be the most eloquent," Hsueh previously told mindbodygreen. "Chances are, your partner likes engaging with you, and that includes talking to you!" 

We wouldn't want to forget to say thank you to the barista who made our coffee or the colleague who helped us finish a project, so why do we sometimes let the manners slide with our partner?

It could be because we're stuck in a "negative sentiment override" pattern, in which we assume the worst intentions from our partners, writes Dana McNeil, PsyD, a licensed marriage and family therapist for The Gottman Institute.

We know that staying curious about your partner is important to understanding how they like to feel loved. But expressing that curiosity to them by asking meaningful questions, and listening thoughtfully to the answers, can help strengthen your relationship.

The key to these conversations is empathy, as psychiatrist Roxanna Namavar, D.O., previously told mindbodygreen. To be a more empathetic listener, be open to what your partner is saying, try to resonate with their experience, and show support, says Namavar.

Tantric sex, a sexual practice that focuses on spiritual, physical, and emotional connection, can be an effective way to show physical love to your partner. Tantric sex is about intimacy and connection—exploring each other's bodies with curiosity, without the purpose or pressure to orgasm.

Just like gifts for no special reason remind your partner that you're thinking of them, touch with no sexual agenda makes your partner feel loved, especially if they prefer to receive physical love.

Nonsexual touch can include anything from grabbing your partner's hand while you're at dinner to a goodbye kiss to cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. Regular nonsexual touch can help foster feelings of warmth and closeness in a relationship.

Our bodies love physical touch. Touch releases feel-good hormones such as oxytocin within our bodies, helping us bond to each other.

"It is OK to tickle each other, rub your partner's back, or simply sit close side-by-side. Those things are intimate but do not have to lead to sex," marriage therapist Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT, previously told mindbodygreen.

There's so much to explore with sex. Whether you find your relationship in a sexual rut, or simply enjoy trying new things, experimenting sexually with your partner can be a way to show them you care about their sexual pleasure and the health of your relationship.

To spice up your sex life, first start an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the kinds of things you would both like to try. That means discussing your desires, past sexual experiences, fantasies, and insecurities.

If you want to show someone you love them, take some time to find out the ways in which they like to be loved. You can take a quiz to discover their love languages, or simply start a conversation about the various ways you already make them feel loved.