How To End A Marriage With Kids: 6 Tips For Parenting Through Divorce

A child's universe does not need to be decimated just because the two adults in charge of them are changing the form of their relationship. Here are some tips for anyone ending a marriage with kids who don't wish to end their family.

Digging deep into the impact of divorce before moving out can help you feel sure about your decision and ease the process. This process will also help you figure out how best to communicate the emotional message to your kids, in addition to explaining the seismic logistical shifts that will be happening.

Explore and try out alternative ways of structuring your new family system before making any final decisions. Consider trying a temporary separation, one that's less like taking a break and more like doing a test drive. My ex-husband and I tried a four-month period of what we called "nesting" to discover what a separation really felt like before making a final decision to divorce. This will help you and your partner, but it will also make the shift more gradual for your children.

Additionally, put effort into the details to create cozy environments for everyone. We were committed to ensuring that both homes were properly set up and comfortable for the kids. This included furniture, toys, bedding, and blankets they liked to sleep with at night and so on.

One way to do this is to create and agree on a very clear and consistent parenting schedule. Be extremely vigilant about maintaining a consistent rhythm in your children's lives so there is never the question of "Who's house am I staying at tonight?"

Divorced couples often argue about expenses and create more work for themselves with receipts, canceled checks, and bank statements. It can be helpful to keep an itemized list of all expenses, but to make things easier, consider sharing one credit card for all expenses to help with transparency and accountability. My ex and I share one credit card for all kid-related expenses — but with a limit on what one can spend without running it past the other.

"Family" is a place in our hearts, not a street address. As co-parents of these precious kids that we chose to bring into the world, it's imperative that we keep expanding our definition of family and love, so our kids feel at home no matter where they go.