How To Compliment A Guy (So They'll Never Forget It)

Flattery may not get you everywhere, but it usually doesn't hurt. We all like to feel seen and appreciated. A thoughtful compliment usually accomplishes just that—validating and cherishing the recipient, giving them a nice self-esteem boost.

There's an enduring piece of wisdom that never goes out of style: Treat others the way you want to be treated. When it comes to complimenting a guy, try to think of things that you would like to be told.

Compliments are a key aspect of flirting (and flirting shouldn't stop when you're in a long-term relationship). Throw away any preconceived notions of what a "flirty" person looks like. You don't need to be a certain way to be flirty—you just need to be confident in who you are... and maybe know how to give a great compliment.

"Compliments are also a fantastic flirting classic, but you don't need to only compliment a person on their looks," Shan Boodram, a certified sexologist, previously told mbg. "If you've discussed their favorite bands, tell them how impressed you are with their taste in music. If you've matched with someone on Bumble and they've included a photo of themselves rock climbing, compliment them on their bravery or sense of adventure."

Here's another reason to compliment your partner: it reinforces good behavior in a positive way, unlike criticism. Criticism may discourage negative behaviors, but it has other negative effects, too, such as leading the person you're criticizing to think you're being too hard on them or they can never satisfy you.

Compliments, on the other hand, reinforce good behaviors and have other positive effects. When you're treating your partner with gratitude, they'll feel appreciated and want to affirm your positive beliefs.

Healthy relationships tend to have many more positive experiences than negative ones. Compliments are one way to fill your relationship with positive interactions, so that they outnumber any (sometimes necessary) negative interactions. As Mary Poppins said, a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.

What is it about his personality that you really enjoy? Make a list of your partner's positive personality traits. You may want to tell your partner about your list, as a compliment in itself, or keep it for your own reference.

To be even more effective, you might want to get specific.

Rooting your compliments in specificity helps the recipient feel valued, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Dana McNeil, PsyD.

"By telling the person we love that we notice who they are and why they mean so much to us, we are offering them a gift of being seen and valued for the things they do or the parts of their personality that they specifically add to your life in ways that no one else can quite replicate," McNeil previously told mbg.

We all build our identities around certain aspects of ourselves and our lives, for better and for worse. So think about the kinds of things that make your partner proud of himself. Does he consider himself to be a loyal partner to you? The life of the party? A successful employee? A hardworking caretaker? A physically fit person?

Since we spend so much time with our partners, we often end up being the lead witness to their lives. Never underestimate the power of making your partner feel witnessed and affirmed for their positive self beliefs.

If you're not quite at the "life witness" stage—maybe you just want to flirt with your crush—then it might be a better idea to stick to more general compliments. Complimenting your crush can help clue him in that you have feelings for him.