Want To Be More Social? Here's How, According To Experts + Tips For Social Skills

While professional pursuits give life purpose, moments of shared laughter, joy, and camaraderie remind us that we matter beyond our achievements, successes, and social standing. A well-nurtured friendship acts like a buffer against the uncertainty of life, and the comforting presence of friends becomes our emotional anchor, safeguarding our emotional health and well-being. 

The longest study on adult life has confirmed the same. The data gathered over 85 years revealed that good relationships were the strongest predictor of lasting health and happiness. 

Self-acceptance allows us to acknowledge our strengths and limitations without feeling flawed or lacking. 

"Accept and embrace your personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses. If you are introverted or shy, don't try to change yourself or pretend to be someone else. Instead, acknowledge your preferences and needs and find ways to balance them with social situations,” advises psychologist Ketan Parmar, M.D., MBBS. 

Self-acceptance creates an inner assurance that diminishes the fear of external judgment, and once we stop seeking approval, we can be ourselves and focus solely on forging genuine connections. Such confidence and authenticity appeal to others, inviting them to engage more openly and honestly, leading to stress-free, meaningful, and enjoyable interactions. 

Broaden your social circle by accepting the invites you receive. Even if the invite is for something new and unfamiliar, don't let the fear of not fitting in hold you back; Focus on finding a new friend or even just initiating a connection with someone new.

Licensed psychotherapist and chief clinical officer at D'Amore Mental Health, Gary Tucker suggests that, regardless of the event itself, to expand your social network, one must make an effort to attend social gatherings. “These events allow you to meet new people and broaden your social circle,” he explains.

You will find yourself in unfamiliar territories in your journey to be more socially active. The trick is to balance out the discomfort of the unknown with something known and pleasurable. For instance, if you’re meeting someone new, arrange your time together to be in a place you love. If you are trying something new, do it with someone you already know and like.

The desire for connection shouldn’t drive us to do things that feel persistently unpleasant. Such an approach is never sustainable. There are many ways to be more social—pick one that doesn’t place you under unnecessary stress. 

Research1 published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships has found that for two people to become casual friends, it takes roughly 50 hours spent together. Transitioning to close friendship takes 90 hours, and becoming very close friends requires 200 hours of quality time together. 

You can use this knowledge to strengthen your bond with those you already know and, in doing so, create a supportive circle of friends and enhance your social life without the pressure of meeting new people.

A study2 showed that while volunteering is good for mental health, the benefits stem from the social connectedness that volunteering promotes. As Prihandito says, “Volunteering not only contributes to your personal growth and sense of accomplishment, but it also opens new ways to connect with others.”

Start looking at strangers as potential friends. Be it in a supermarket, the yoga studio, or the salon, engage in light-hearted conversations with the people around you. A positive response will add to your confidence, and if the exchange leads to a connection, it will add to your social circle. Soon, you will be surrounded by familiar faces wherever you go, giving you a profound sense of belonging and community.  

Dive into the deep end of the social pool by hosting an event. It's demanding work, but the control remains with you. As the host, you control the environment, the guest list, and even, to some extent, the flow of the conversation. It’s the ideal setting to reconnect with old friends, make new connections, and solidify existing bonds.

As long as you're cautious of your safety and conscious of your boundaries, social media platforms can provide an easy way to socialize with individuals worldwide. According to a report published by Pew Research Center, online engagement, like participating in interest-based groups and discussion forums, can lead to real-life friendships. 

When interacting online, we can be as visible as we desire, allowing us to release the insecurities of face-to-face interactions. We can exchange ideas, share past life experiences, and even advocate for causes that matter to us. Such interactions lead to social bonds grounded in mutual understanding and support. Moreover, online groups are usually very diverse, further enriching our social life.

Seek new friends in an environment designed to engage and promote the exchange of ideas. Joining a class is the easiest way to be more social. Interact with fellow students before class starts, during breaks, and share pleasure in the knowledge gained at the end of each class and continue the discussion over coffee. 

What starts with an exchange of ideas can lead to other mutually enjoyable activities, and intellectual bonds can graduate to deeper emotional connections.

According to mental health physician and professor Ryan Sultan M.D., you can use the opportunity to find people who share your interests. “Take the initiative to start conversations and make plans with others," he adds. Learning in most classrooms is collaborative; It allows for easy communication, fostering a sense of camaraderie and bonding among participants.

Joining a club is better if you prefer something less formal and more free-flowing. “Participate in community groups or clubs that are aligned with your interests. It’s a natural setting to meet like-minded people,” says Prihandito.

You can join a club or group dedicated to an old hobby so that joining in feels easy. Joining a sports team, adventure group, or an activist group interested in creating can also be helpful.

Ask your friends, siblings, spouse, and other family members to introduce you to their friends and social network. Join them on outings with their friends and use them as a go-between with people you identify as kindred spirits. 

When they get invited to an event, consider accompanying them as their plus one. Attend networking events and finagle an introduction to people they may know and who interest you. 

Carpooling with current friends is another option that can allow you to meet new people. When you organize a meet-up, ask your friends to bring one of their (non-mutual) friends along so everyone’s social circle can grow and there is a new energy in the group. 

Whenever something is even a little complicated, our brain, wired to seek comfort, will do everything to avoid it. So, Parmar recommends, “Set realistic and specific goals for yourself,” and decide on a strategy as well. 

“Instead of saying I want to be more social, say I want to talk to one new person at the party or join a book club that meets once a month. This way, you can measure your progress,” he adds.

A study3 published in the journal PLOS ONE found that sensitivity to and fear of rejection can negatively impact our ability and willingness to socialize. 

Individuals fearful of rejection are reluctant to initiate social contact, start conversations, or express interest in others. Learn to view rejection as a regular part of human interaction, not a statement of your worth.

As you step away from your comfort zone, wade into new territories, and engage in more social experiences, you are bound to feel some degree of exhaustion. To continue with your adventures, you must regularly replenish your energy reserves. 

“This could include scheduling time to recharge, attending smaller and more intimate gatherings, or participating in activities relevant to their interests,” Tucker notes.

As it is the prelude to deeper, more meaningful conversation, handle small talk with style and finesse. It’s an unavoidable part of social interactions, and if done well, it can be the first step towards a new friendship.

Let curiosity lead in a conversation and ask open-ended questions. You can make someone feel important and interesting by asking thoughtful questions and showing a genuine interest in their life. This approach endears us to others and makes us desirable companions for social outings.

A compliment is an effective ice-breaker. It also makes people feel good about themselves and draws them to you as the source of that feeling. Make your compliments specific so they are more personal to the receiver.

Apart from practical considerations like time, budget, and location, the degree to which someone socializes can depend on a blend of psychological, biological, and environmental influences. 

Children raised in environments where open communication and social interactions are encouraged tend to grow into socially confident adults. Conversely, those who experience a lot of isolation, criticism, and repression in their childhood may find socializing challenging.

Individuals identified as extroverts are naturally keen on and thrive in social settings, while introverts prefer a quiet and solitary life. Prihandito shares that for extroverts, social interactions are energizing. “They thrive in group settings and are often seen as outgoing and expressive,” he adds.

Introverts, on the other hand, find excessive social engagement may be draining. They're in tune with their inner world and disconnect and retreat within whenever they need to refuel. Introverts prefer intimate groups and deep, meaningful conversations to small talk in large gatherings. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't enjoy socializing—they simply like their experiences in different shades to what extroverts like. 

In 2011, one conference paper divided introversion into four main types: social, thinking, anxious, and restrained introvert. The distinction was made based on how different introverts respond to social invitations, handle interpersonal interactions, and how they recharge their batteries. 

Hans Eysenck's influential "Big Three" model 4shared that introverts have higher baseline brain activity, are more sensitive to stimulation, and can easily reach sensory overload in a noisy, crowded environment. 

According to Carl Jung, the distinction is more about an individual's world orientation. Extroverts, as the term suggests, are more oriented towards the external world, while introverts focus more on their internal world and use their thoughts and emotions as energy sources. The Big Five Personality Traits (OCEAN) proposed that the behavioral manifestation of these traits is due to the interplay of various factors, including genetic predispositions, environment, upbringing, and even life experiences. 

The people in our lives act as buffers against mental distress, enhancing our overall health and wellbeing and encouraging our growth. By socializing actively, you can create a strong network of support, love, and guidance.

Choose methods that play well with your preferences, energy levels, and boundaries to form new connections and deepen the existing ones. If socializing is challenging for you, take time to reflect. Self-explore to identify if you lack specific interpersonal skills, have chosen the wrong crowd, or need a little guidance.