6 Signs You Might Have "Daddy Issues" & What It Means

Have you ever heard of someone having "daddy issues" and wondered what it actually meant? "Daddy issues" is a colloquial term aimed at people—typically women—who struggle with dating and interpersonal relationships due to their past (and yes, the gendered aspect is pretty problematic). In TV and pop culture, characters with "daddy issues" tend to have complicated, dysfunctional relationships with men, and they often appear reckless, needy, or unstable in some way.

"'Daddy issues' isn't a clinical term in the realm of psychology, but it is certainly part of our lexicon," says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. "The term 'daddy issues' generally refers to an individual whose enmeshed, difficult, or nonexistent relationship with a father creates lasting psychological harm."

"The term 'daddy issues' is used to refer to psychological issues that a person may experience as a result of an absent, abusive, or problematic relationship with their father or father figure," says Bre Haizlip, LPC, a licensed mental health counselor and family relationship expert. "It is not a clinical or medical term and is not officially recognized by psychologists or psychiatrists."

You won't find "daddy issues" in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), and the term's exact origins appear unknown. But generally speaking, the phrase has become a catchall for people whose attachment issues or unresolved trauma play out in their romantic relationships. 

Historically, the term "daddy issues" has been used in a derogatory way to describe women—but according to clinical psychotherapist Miriam Koshy, MSc, anyone can experience them since it's an attachment problem at its core. "The term is often used to shame women and minimize their needs and desires in relationships," she tells mbg. "People misuse the term quite often…which can cause a woman to feel judged and suggest that something may be wrong with her. Anyone can have attachment wounds resulting from a lack of strong relationships with their parents, regardless of gender."

Raffaello Antonino, Ph.D., a London-based counseling psychologist and clinical director at Therapy Central, tells mbg, "A man [may] experience 'daddy issues' well into his 30s or 40s if they grew up with an unstable father figure that made them feel 'not good enough' for their love and attention as a child. In turn, their 'daddy issues' might make them insecure in their romantic relationships [or have] difficulties navigating relationships with powerful men in their lives, like a manager at work." 

If you're secretly wondering whether or not you have "daddy issues," ahead are the potential signs to watch out for, according to relationship experts.

"A person with unresolved trauma or issues related to their father may struggle to form healthy attachments or may seek out relationships that mirror their past experiences," Haizlip tells mbg. 

For example, if you were anxiously attached to a father figure or had intense family issues growing up, you may be drawn to similar dynamics in romantic relationships later on—whether you realize it consciously or not.

Was your father absent in your life? Was he physically present but emotionally unavailable? Was your father abusive toward you physically, emotionally, or sexually?

"There is no one definitive cause of 'daddy issues' since every individual's experiences and relationships with their father or father figure are unique," Koshy tells mbg. However, most experts agree that the idea of daddy issues can be traced to Sigmund Freud's "Oedipus complex," which he proposed as part of early psychoanalytic theory.

"This complex suggests that a person may have certain unconscious impulses, both positive and negative, due to a poor relationship with their father," Koshy tells mbg. "In women with this complex, they may develop unhealthy relationships or patterns with men who care for them in an attempt to fix their broken relationship with their father." 

For example, if your father was overly controlling or critical, you may have low self-esteem in future relationships and seek constant affirmation. Or if your parent was physically or emotionally absent, you may seek to heal those feelings of abandonment or neglect in future relationships. "When fathers do not express their emotions or communicate with their children, it can lead to difficulties in forming close emotional connections with others [later on]," Koshy adds.

"Daddy issues" can impact your relationships in a variety of important ways. "A person may struggle to form healthy attachments with romantic partners, may seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, or may struggle with intimacy and trust," Kilgore says. "Some studies have linked a poor relationship with one's father to a range of psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem."

According to Kashy, these attachment issues can also make your relationships feel generally unstable and untrustworthy. "They may worry that their partner will abandon them, reject them, or betray them, which can lead to jealousy, possessiveness or clinginess and indulging in a lot of people-pleasing behaviors," she tells mbg. Fear of rejection, constant approval-seeking, and emotional dependence can also occur, Kashy adds.

According to Manly, the first way to address these father-related attachment issues is to understand the potential underlying reasons you might have them. "The first step toward healing from 'daddy issues' is to increase awareness regarding the psychological wounds from early childhood," she says. "Nonjudgmental, free-association journaling that focuses on the father-child relationship is a wonderful way to delve into daddy issues."

She also suggests making an objective list of what you perceive your "daddy issues" to be—for example, do you have trouble getting vulnerable with your partner? Do you constantly find yourself dating narcissists, or do you find yourself snapping at your male co-worker for no reason?

Healing your daddy issues is no small feat, but professional support can help. "Consider seeing a therapist to address and work through [your] issues," Kashy tells mbg. "A therapist can help you process your emotions, recognize and break unhelpful patterns, and work toward healing and building healthier adult relationships." 

Whether your "daddy issues" are caused by problems during childhood involving your father or you simply struggle with attachment in relationships, you don't have to deal with this alone. If reading about daddy issues brought up hurtful memories from the past, know that it's natural to feel overwhelmed—but you can, and will, get through this.

"Acknowledge the emotions you feel regarding your relationship with your father," Kashy says. "Whether it's anger, hurt, sadness, or disappointment, allow yourself to feel these emotions and understand that they are valid."