7 Steps To Build Close Friendships & Keep Them Strong

There are few things more fulfilling than having a close friendship with someone. Whether you're bonding with your college roommate or catching up with an old friend you've known since childhood, there's something unique about having a strong relationship with a person who makes you feel seen and heard. Research has even shown that prioritizing friendship is associated with better health and well-being1 and that feeling connected to others can reduce your stress levels. 

While it's no secret that friendship matters for our health and happiness, maintaining close friendships isn't always easy. Maybe finding your social circle in college was seamless, but making friends as an adult feels overwhelming. Maybe you're super busy and struggle to find time to socialize, or you recently moved and you miss feeling close to your friends back home. No matter what your circumstances, if you're craving close friendships in your life right now, you're not alone. 

A close friendship is characterized by mutual trust, respect, and emotional intimacy, according to clinical psychologist Annia Raja, Ph.D. "It's a relationship where you can feel comfortable being yourself and sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection," she tells mbg. "Research has shown that people with strong friendships are happier, healthier, and more resilient to stress." 

According to Shani Gardner, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of Soulful Grace Therapy, close friendships also involve honesty, support, and understanding. "Close friends provide safety, comfort, and a deep sense of alignment and intimacy," she tells mbg. "Close friendships are important because we are social beings, and we are wired for connection with others. We have a natural desire to be seen and understood; close friendships allow that desire to be satisfied." 

In that sense, the psychology of close friendships comes down to our very human nature. Jennifer Chain, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of the group therapy practice Thrive for the People, says humans have thrived as a species because of our interdependence on each other. "Therefore, having meaningful and close friendships meets one of our foundational needs for connection and belonging."

If you don't see your friend in person often, let technology help—a call, text, voice memo, or old-school email can go a long way! "I suggest reaching out and letting [your friend] know that you enjoy spending time with them, you care about them, or you're just thinking of them," Gardner says. "These kinds of messages make the other person feel cared for and can increase the chances that they'll extend the same care to you."

Life is busy, and it isn't always possible to hang with friends 24/7—but making an effort to connect is crucial if you want to get closer to someone.

"Prioritize spending quality time together," Raja suggests. "Close friendships can take time to develop, but the investment is well worth it."

To deepen your social connection, Chain recommends planning outings with your friend. "Make a list of concerts, hikes, classes, or trips that you know you will both enjoy, and start planning some friend dates." 

Close friendship requires vulnerability. To strengthen your bond, share your thoughts and emotions with your friend while inviting them to do the same. "You can start by disclosing more about your inner world and feelings," Chain says. "If you set the tone for vulnerable conversations in your relationship, chances are that your friend will follow your example." Practice active listening, tune into your friend's feelings, ask questions, and be compassionate to help bring your friendship closer.

Close friendships are all about supporting each other during both fun and hard times—and remember, the support should be mutual. (Nobody likes a one-sided friendship where everything revolves around one person and their needs!) "Don't be afraid to show vulnerability by asking for help when you need it, as well as reciprocating proactively and doing the same for your friend," Raja says.

At the end of the day, a close friendship should be a genuine connection with someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and affirmed. They accept you for who you are without judgment, and they're there for you through thick and thin. "Close friendships are an essential part of our emotional well-being and sense of community and connectedness, so it's worth investing time and effort to nurture and strengthen them," Raja says.  

Close friendships are also deeply personal, and Sbordone suggests defining your relationships in a way that feels comfortable for you. "'Close' doesn't have to mean that you're seeing each other regularly or talking every day," she says. "'Close' can mean that you have a good foundation for the friendship…you know that if you needed that friend, they would be there for you." She adds that situational context, friendship history, and the amount of time and effort you contribute can also help you define whether the friendship is "close" or not.