7 Signs A Relationship Has Reached Its Breaking Point, From A Therapist

Any relationship that we are in long term goes through seasons, especially if we are committed to another person and have invested our time, love, and energy into the relationship.

No relationship is perfect, despite how much we romanticize them. Even the most satisfying of relationships need conscious attention and nurturing to ensure health and growth.

Many people leave relationships because of their unresolved attachment issues that get displaced on the other person. Additionally, people leave relationships because they haven't done the internal work to understand that mature attachment requires self-awareness and conscious communication.

This is the most important sign. I so often have clients who feel unhappy in their relationships, but when I explore their communication with their partner, they reveal that they have not been honest and direct about their feelings.

Start by being honest with yourself about what you want. If you want the relationship to work, you have to honor your partner by giving them the opportunity to respond to your needs.

What is stopping you from expressing your feelings directly? When you say what is true for you, you support yourself; what the other person does or says in response is just more information for you to assess whether you think the relationship is viable or not.

The foundation of a strong relationship is two people who feel safe and cared for, which supports their ability to be vulnerable and open with each other.

Vulnerable openness occurs during conflict and means that I can set my perspective aside and care about your experience without being defensive. Vulnerable openness means I can share my most tender feelings about you, myself, or the world, and I feel safe to do so.

When you find that you are hiding your feelings, finding excuses to avoid time together, or fantasizing about leaving the relationship—these might be signs that you no longer want a deep connection.

Sexual desire has seasons throughout a relationship. In committed partnerships, factors like age, changing sex drives, life stressors, children, and more can change the rhythm on sexual connection.

That said, if you still crave your partner's touch, you like looking at their body, like the way they smell, or long for more physical intimacy (of all kinds), then these are signs it might be something to work on.

Another strong indication that you're heading for a breakup is that you don't see eye to eye anymore. When you're dealing with constant conflict, and both people feel continually misunderstood and hurt, this begins to wear away any positive connection.

Any expert will tell you that if you're fighting constantly, and there are few minutes of peace or secure connection, you have to take this seriously and respond accordingly.

It's absolutely normal to be attracted to other people or have sexual fantasies about others, but if you don't have an open relationship and you're having these thoughts in secret, it's possible that your needs aren't being met in your primary relationship.

When fantasies or affairs are taking time and energy away from your partner, you've opened an exit. Exits come in many forms and ultimately drain energy out of your partnership.

Trust is essential for secure attachment. If you have experienced infidelity, secrecy, or repeated boundary violation, trust is hard to rebuild. If you feel like you can't trust your partner, it's either something to repair, or it's time to let go. 

A fish may love a bird, but where will they live? Often our hope or wish for partnership, combined with our attachment histories, can cloud our ability to be with the reality of someone else's difference.

Children, professional goals, finances, geography, quality of life—all these factors create the daily fabric of connection.

All relationships go through seasons, and as people change, so do their attachment needs. Not every relationship challenge is a reason to call it quits.

Therefore, it is crucial that you are able to identify the difference between relationship issues that can be addressed and habitual issues that you or your partner refuse or are unwilling to address.