12 Helpful Things To Say To A Depressed Friend, From Mental Health Experts 

Depression is a mental health disorder that needs to be taken seriously. Someone who is depressed cannot "snap out of it" or "shake it off." It can be really hard to witness a loved one with this condition, and you might wonder if there's anything you can say to make things better for them.

"Depression is a common mood disorder that can present in varying forms; however, it is typically characterized as including persistent sadness, hopelessness, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt," Allison Forti, Ph.D., LCMHC, NCC, an associate teaching professor and associate director of the Department of Counseling Online Programs at Wake Forest University, tells mbg.

"People with depression may experience a loss of interest in hobbies or activities they once enjoyed, may want to sleep more or less than usual, may lose their appetite or eat more than is typical for them, and may have trouble making decisions or concentrating. In some cases of depression, people may start to think more about death and suicide."

Some people can be chronically depressed, and others can be momentarily depressed. Depression can present in many ways, and your loved one may not have all of the signs or symptoms. According to Forti, you can look for observable changes in their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physical presentation.

Research suggests1 peer support really can help people with depression, and there are indeed helpful ways you can communicate your care, concern, or feelings to someone who is depressed. However, before you take this step, Jennifer Dragonette, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and Clinical Services Instructor for Newport Healthcare in Northern California, recommends that you proceed mindfully.

"Sometimes jumping in with advice causes people to pull back," says Dragonette. "Don't give unsolicited advice or provide help they didn't ask for. Validate them without jumping in with your own experience just yet."

Furthermore, Forti advises avoiding suggesting to a person who is depressed that their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are not valid or can easily change. "They need empathy, compassion, and support. Validating their experience by not sugarcoating their pain and recognizing what is happening is a good first step," Forti tells mbg.

People with depression may not feel like socializing or talking—both may require too much energy at the moment. "Avoid pressuring your loved one to do something that depression is making too hard for them," says Forti. "However, do let them know you won't give up on them. Do keep reaching out, even when they reject your attempts for help."

According to Forti, professional help is beneficial for all levels of depression—mild, moderate, or severe. "Some people with high-functioning depression, where they feel depleted, sad, irritable but are still able to maintain relationships and responsibilities at work and in life, may fly under the radar among close loved ones, who might be unaware of their personal struggles," Forti explains. "However, moderate to severe depression may become more noticeable." This occurs when people start to struggle more at work, in relationships, or their daily functioning becomes excessively burdensome. 

Someone with moderate to severe depression may also have suicidal ideation. Professional help is especially helpful when someone exhibits signs of suicide risk. "[Risk factors] include seeing a decline in hygiene and self-care in your loved one, seeing your loved one sleep more than usual or struggle with staying present with others, and expressing upsetting thoughts, like 'what's the point?' 'people would be better off without me,' or 'I don't want to do this anymore,'" Guarino tells mbg. "If you are concerned for the immediate safety of your loved one, it is OK to seek professional support. Your loved one may be resistant to help at first, but it is important to take the warning signs of depression seriously."

When you're depressed, it feels like you're the only person in the world who's going through it. "The condition tricks us into believing we're alone and that no one would understand what we're going through," says Dragonette. "The best thing someone with depression can do is the opposite of what their gut and body tells them to do in the moment. Depression tells us we will be a burden. It's these times we don't want to listen to that gut feeling, and to reach out for help."

If someone you love is dealing with depression, remember that you cannot be responsible for their well-being, but the supportive things you say to them can be beneficial. There are also resources you can share with your loved one.

People struggling with depression and/or having suicidal thoughts can now call 988 to receive free support. "This number provides people access to professional crisis workers that can listen and offer help," says Forti. "This line is open 24/7 so people struggling have access to a compassionate and trained helper no matter when they need help."